I am very pleased and excited to proudly claim Anna Cao as my girlfriend.
This entry is hard, but it is important and necessary. This entry is not complete yet, courtship is a journey. This entry is mostly for myself, my own reflection purposes. However i am not ashamed or afraid to share my thoughts, my worldview. I gave a testimony in lifegroup about my courtship, i was totally unprepared and floored it badly,(recorded in jasmine’s video) this is a more proper version of it; the second most important decision in my life after accepting Christ.
I have seen and heard personally for myself families that are torn apart for reasons that i cannot accept or comprehend fully, i have seen courtships that were not done wisely and have pointed(judged?) out my concerns at them myself. Untill now I still can’t satisfy fully the questions that were asked, ” How well do you two know each other in a few months?”, “Why it has to be now?”,”How about the differences in backgrounds?”, a more pointy question i have asked myself, “Is it because of my loneliness that i am doing this?” Coming from an established ministry i know what is the ‘ideal’ courtship path to take, get to know each other in ministry, serve together for a few years.. I have admitted, and i still do believe that my decision process could have been done better. Each relationship is unique but it has to be grounded with biblical principles. Obviously i am neither a Guru nor an Aced student at them, but here are some of my personal reflective thoughts and learnings at it thus far..
Dealing with each other’s skeleton closet. The uncertainty factor is huge. ” Is she spiritual enough?” is a question that begs more than just regular church/lifegroup attendance, i am asking if she genuinely has a heart for God. I look for consistency in behaviour, and the obedience towards the Holy Spirit, and i took time to witness and gathered enough testimonies, before i move to deal deeper with my own demons.For a long time, I cant accept the fact that she is the ‘perfect gift’ that God has prepared for me in heaven. During that time i was like a screwdriver trying to find a screw in her to unscrew whatever secrets that she kept from me, it eats away my soul and it hurts our relationship. I have to let go of this doubt eventually, and not letting the devil to stop me from fully accepting her and loving her for who she is. I was skeptical. At the bottom line is, we are both of ‘age’ (23 and 22 respectively) and we have our fair share of mistakes in the past, we come clean about them honestly, personally we took time out and bring them before God, took even more time to put things in perspectives, and decide to move on. Dwelling on the things of the past kills the joy of relationship. It is true that it is best to find a partner that you know well since you are young, it naturally removes needless uncertainty and builds bonus but much needed foundation for trust.
Getting it right with the local church. What kind of a person will i be, if God provides me with this gorgeous girl at church, and i turn my back on His church and leave? I admit carnally that i did speculate with myself about the thought of leaving, but i have never seriously consider about it. I can’t remember exactly which night, but we both made a decision to get things right with the local church. I did it with faith honestly, not knowing how long it will take or what ‘procedures’ that awaits. From the stories and with my own personal understanding, i believed what is needed most is communication. Guidelines are not rules, but they are the platform for communications. I have told myself that at any point of time if someone from the church is to sit me down and give me perspectives of the direction that i need to take for this courtship with solid biblical reasonings, i will pray about them and heed their wise advices, i am sure Anna will too. We were quite blessed to be ‘officialized’ by our church soon after we talked to our leaders. One blessing that i count deeply for being right with the local church is that it allows us to serve together, nothing energize me more these days than for us to serve together, blessing and expanding His kingdom. Planning events, buying items.. She was in charge of the decoration for church during Father’s day and i witnessed and experienced first-hand how we complement each other, and ran past the ‘finish line’ together.. that saturday night will be in my memories forever, the first of many such days to come.
Knowing what keeps me on when the going gets tough. I read a book recently from Bill Hybel that talks about courtship, the concept of compabilities and incompabilities that exist within couples. I do not allow a margin of error, when it comes to the compabilities that are shared between Anna and i. We shared the same love for God, the same desire to walk with Him daily and to abide by His calling. We shared the same values in Him, and we shared the same passion for Him; to be successful in business and to help a lot alot of kids in the future. What i mean by not allowing a margin of error is, should there be a day any of the three things mentioned above changed,without a flinch i know my committment to this relationship will shake; these formthe pillars of my courtship. What we believe now, what we want to do together in the future, have to be the same today and tomorrow. The incompabilities, i would love to pass them off as jokes some day but they are painful at times. What do you expect when you put an indonesian guy who grew up in singapore with a china girl who grew up in brisbane together? The way we used certain words are different. Recalling the last time after we met Kei,(Anna’s good friend/mentor) She asked me ” Can you give me any feedback about the meet-up?”, i thought about it seriously and gave my best analytical views from various angles, after hours of needless explanations (i was so serious that she thought i didnt enjoy myself) i found out that what she meant was ” do you like it?”.. .. classing Singlish clashing with Aussie English, we are still ’suffering’ from this but i have since taught myself the art of clarifying during conversations. This is just one of the many incompatibilities that we both share, but they are nothing compare to our common values, beliefs and vision.
Courtship is not fun when you are serious. I turn to God daily for guidance, and after loving someone so deep, and feeling loved in return. With a sense of awe, i bow before God daily, knowing that there is this corner in my heart, that no matter how much loved i felt from Anna, this corner is especially reserved to be touched by God. He is irreplaceable in my heart and the cornerstone of my life because His spirit lives with me.
Reading: the Divine Mentor by Wayne Cordeiro